My friends, I am very excited to tell you about a bold new plan I have for our conquest in Iraq. As you all know, our troops are stretched thin and we've already lowered the bar as much as we can as far as recruitment goes. That's straight talk, my friends.

It is well known that the Republican party and myself have long stood for family values. My plan, if you were to elect me as President, my friends, would be to provide the means for entire American families to relocate to Iraq and serve together. Once in Iraq, your family will be assigned quarters in one of many empty homes that were vacated by one of the millions of Iraqi families that have died or been displaced. Next, you and your family will be assigned a military armored vehicle that you will use to patrol the streets of Baghdad with 7 days a week. Each vehicle can comfortably accommodate a family of 4 plus one infant. You and your family will be involved in many exciting tasks such as performing nightly raids on homes, building new city walls, interrogating insurgents and protecting Halliburton contractors.

My friends, this new policy will serve two-fold: It will help to subdue the Iraqis more quickly by having more American boots on the ground, AND it will help put a stop to the ever-increasing divorce and suicide rates among military families due to long periods of time away from each other. Our great nation currently has over 700 military bases in 90 different countries. We can't stop expanding now. God gave us this right...it's even in the Constitution. My friends, it is my belief that a family that conquers together, stays together.

Vote McCain!